The Hot Dog Nazi

I can't believe it has gotten this far into the summer without telling you about M.A.'s hot dogs! There are a lot of hot dog stands that sprout up in downtown Anchorage over the summer, but you really need to make the effort to find this particular one. Go there right now! Once you go, you will realize that I am right. M.A.'s Gourmet Hot Dogs, owned by Mike Anderson, is located on 4th Ave and F Street, on the northwest corner in front of the entrance to the federal building and the Public Lands Information Center. He is there Monday through Saturday, starting in late March. He takes the winter off, opening up only for big downtown events like Fur Rendezvous and the Iditarod Dog Sled Race start. He has a green umbrella, a green chalkboard menu, a large bobblehead of James Brown, and the longest line of any hot dog stand in sight.

Hopefully you watch "Seinfeld," or else the title of this article will make no sense. Basically, the "Soup Nazi" is an episode about a man who sells the most amazing soup ever, but he is very particular about how you behave, otherwise he may send you away with no soup. "No soup for you!" was his cry as he booted Elaine out. M.A. presents himself the same way. There is a list of rules posted on the front of his stand, which includes things like being ready to state your order when asked, about talking on your cell phone while in line, and about moving to the right after you order to pay and await your hot dog. There are other signs, too, including a disparaging one about our former governor, Sarah Palin. I have never actually seen anyone be run off for violating the rules, or for telling M.A. that Sarah Palin was the greatest governor we ever had, but I wouldn't be surprised if others have. M.A. is a character, but he is allowed because he absolutely makes the best hot dogs around, and he knows it. Locals know it, too. The lines can be long, so be prepared: when I was in college and worked downtown in the summer, we would poke our heads out as it came close to lunchtime, checking on the line to see if we would have time to get one- I have spent my entire lunch half-hour standing in that line. Sometimes I'd be ready to run over, and then the fire engine would pull up and ten firefighters would get in line. Or the courthouse let out, and the line was packed with lawyers.

The standard, most Alaskan thing to get is the Alaskan reindeer sausage hot dog, but he also has other dogs, including Italian sausage, Louisiana hot links, Polish sausage, and beef hot dogs. He also has chicken, and I think he has turkey, but I forgot to look last time I was there. They are all roughly $5, give or take, and for $6.50 you can get a bag of chips and a can of soda or bottle of water (this might vary with the type of hot dog, I can't remember). They're pretty big hot dogs, definitely a satisfying lunch. And it's cash only, so stop by the ATM in the 5th Ave Mall before you go if necessary. M.A. or one of his employees will ask if you want onions on your hot dog. Say yes. He makes the most delicious carmelized onions on his grill, and I've seem him use a can of Coke to help them carmelize. They are perfect on top of your grilled hot dog, that you will get when it is perfectly done, crispy on the outside, and atomically hot on the inside, so give it a few minutes to cool off so you don't burn the roof of your mouth. He has a large condiment bar with which to embellish your hot dog and onions, with relish, several kinds of mustard, ketchup, sauerkraut, cheese, and jalapenos. And of course, napkins. You will need a couple of napkins.

So now you have the scoop on the best hot dog in Anchorage. Tourists who stumble upon it don't realize how lucky they are. Luckily I don't work downtown these days, because I would spend a lot of time standing in line at M.A.'s.